Was I Raped?

He was my friend. I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew him. He came closer. We talked, alone in the basement. He came close, then closer  – until I could feel his breath on my shoulder. I sat frozen in place. “Don’t,” I said in a flirty tone. He smiled. He continued. “Come on, stop, ” I whispered. He continued. I gently nudged him away from myself. I felt his body resist – and I knew – this was different.

He had made up his mind. My heart raced. I breathed faster. Why was my heart racing? I was afraid, but not of him. He was my friend. I knew him. His body stubbornly pressed closer to mine. I didn’t want this. We flirted sometimes, but it was all in fun. “Stop,” I softly demanded. My eyes were fixed on his. I was no longer smiling. There was something different about his eyes – as if his soul had vacated them. They were glazed over. He was not my friend. I was afraid. I did not know him.

“Please stop,” I whimpered. His hands were wrapped tightly around my wrists. He didn’t talk. I squirmed. I did not yell. Why didn’t I yell? There were people upstairs. I was embarrassed.

“Shhh,” he hissed, softly. I obeyed. Why did I obey?

He got dressed and went upstairs. I remained frozen. Was I just raped? I scanned my body. There were no bruises, no cuts. He did not hit me. He did not yell at me. What just happened? Was I just raped? I did not yell. I didn’t hit him. I let him have his way. Was it mutual? I had said “no,” but only in a whisper – did that count? I had meekly pleaded for him to stop.  I feel violated. Was I just raped?

Tags from the story
, , , ,
Written By
More from Mehwish Khan

Was I Raped?

He was my friend. I wasn’t afraid of him. I knew him....
Read More
  • Cherry

    I can relate to this so much. Something like this happened to me one night. I still don’t know if it was rape or not–like in your story,we were friends, and I still talk to him now. We’ve never talked about what happened, so I’m not sure how to feel about it. Just knowing that someone else has gone through something like this makes me feel like I’m not alone or crazy, so thanks for giving a voice to it.

    • The Untrendy Girl

      I’m so glad this story helped you. Truly, it’s the reason I do this. I know it may be very uncomfortable to do, but have you thought about talking to the guy this happened with. If you’re still friends with him, it may mean that he does not realize the line between consent and rape. If he does this with someone else, he may end up in jail. Maybe you should simply share this story with him – he should get the message.

  • http://www.frenstork.com James M Despain

    Thanks for the great post.

  • Maja

    This is my first visit of this web site, and I must admit, I’m loving every bit of it. I love how concise you are in your beauty advise, everything is par excellence. Xx

  • alice

    I completely relate to how you feel. I was just recently raped by one of my friends in college. At the time, I continued to say no and tried my best to stop the situation, but I eventually reached the point where I gave up because nothing I said he was respecting and listening to. I felt so embarrassed for a few months that he got his way. I understand that this was his fault the minute he decided not to back off when I said no. I found the courage to tell someone and my friends and it feels so much better knowing someone can relate to me. No matter what punishment he receives, I know it will never be as bad as how worthless and used he made me feel, but when I finally spoke out about it, I felt like I was standing up for myself and finally in control of the situation. Stay strong~