You’re Kind of Not Beautiful

“You’re beautiful.” That’s what they say.

In a valiant effort to counteract the negative effects of today’s beauty standards, feminists, self-esteem gurus, and countless women’s blogs tell us how beautiful we are, no matter what.


Um – don’t take this the wrong way – but – I disagree.

We are not all beautiful, and by “beautiful,” I mean, we are not all aesthetically pleasing to the eye. In fact, technically beautiful people are a rare minority. The vast majority of us fall somewhere between fairly attractive and kind-of-average.

The blanket statement, “You’re beautiful,” places a disproportionate amount of value in aesthetics.  Well-intentioned people want us to feel valuable, so they tell us that we’re beautiful. The problem is, if beauty makes someone valuable and important, then what does the lack of beauty mean? Is the average woman less valuable than a beautiful one?

As living beings we are hard-wired to appreciate beautiful things, but I would like to believe that as humans, we have evolved to appreciate more substantial, more permanent qualities in people. After all, beauty, like youth, fades inevitably.

Let’s face it – you and I probably do not have the same facial symmetry or calibrated physique as Angelina Jolie, but you are valuable. You are important. You are an undeniable force to be reckoned with and that will be true even when your “fairly attractive to kind-of-average” looks fade.

Maybe you’re kind of not physically beautiful. So what? You are much, much more.

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  • Sofia

    I love this blog and this post especially.
    Very proud of you and inspired by you.

    • The Untrendy Girl

      Thank you!

  • Hepi


  • Sarah

    There is a beauty in accepting and valuing the collection of imperfections that you are.

  • Anon

    This is honestly the ugly truth. Literally.

  • Liz

    ” So maybe you’re kind of not beautiful. So what? You are much, much more.” Love that. Sometimes I struggle with being kind of not beautiful. It seems people in general put an enormous emphasis on physical beauty and appearance, as well as in how one dresses; so when I try to just let go of my judgmental attitude about myself, everybody I bump into is very good at reminding me… how I should look but don’t. Other than that, I find resistance in my relationship with my couple, and find myself thinking that I shouldn’t have a couple because I don’t fit into some standard. I have trouble accepting intimacy, staring and accepting physical compliments. On top of the usual issues I put on some weight, wich I’ve been trying to get off by eating healthy 80 to 90% of the time, aaaand it doesnt work. So since eating healthy doesnt work that means I got to cut calories waay back, probably around 800-900 cal per day WHICH SUCKS. Im gonna get those slim fast shakes to replace two meals, wish me luck! Im crossing my fingers cause id love to feel more confident and take swimming classes. well see

  • Liz

    On the other hand, I also think there’s a beauty about everything, so that that phrase “everyone is beautiful” might just be on point. It has nothing to do with facial symmetry, or looking like Angelina Jolie, it something to do with being a living thing, or just a thing. I find things very beautiful, rocks, water, a pencil, you name it. Of course, this things just are, and beauty is in the eye of the beholder that can appreciate many different relationships, like the ones of texture, measurements, arrangement and color, and put emotional value onto things. BUT generally when people talk about beauty they talk about sexual attractiveness, or fitting into a cultural ideal.

    • Allie

      Thanks, Liz. I was thinking something along the lines of what you wrote and you summed it up nicely. I do find everyone beautiful in a way. I also see what the author of this entry is saying as well. Most people are not stunningly beautiful and do not fit into that certain kind of category that turns heads. I believe we are still beautiful in our own way. I guess it is a matter of how you define the word. I absolutely agree physical attractiveness does not last forever and we are so much more than the way we look. Thank you for writing this entry.